How does it feel to have a cold when it’s 97 degrees outside? About the same as it does this early morning, except with more darkness and a higher proportion of mucus to sinus capacity. I’m sorry…you didn’t ask for that information.
Maybe the reason all those faux cops called in faux sick last Friday was that they knew something I didn’t, namely that viral/bacterial biological agents were being released by operatives of some obscure terror group called “Middle Schoolers”. The faux cops couldn’t share this secret intelligence information, as they knew it would blow their cover as ultra-elite members of an elite anti-biological weapons outfit so elite that the CIA doesn’t even know it exists. A group so elite and mysterious that nobody could ever tell whether they were faux cops or real cops.
That’s one theory, anyway.
Whatever the actual reality, I am a barely walking billboard for NyQuil this fine Monday morning, still on the fence about making it into work on this, only the fifth day of the school year. Can anybody lend me one of those “bubble boy” suits for a day or two? Missing a day during the first few days of a school year is like not bringing guns to a jewelry heist….it just doesn’t set a good tone. But then there’s the chance I am a walking biological agent myself.
Oh, the dilemma. Oh, the mucus.
Have a good Monday everybody, I’ll be over here in the corner curled in the fetal position, mucus pooling slowly beneath me. If the faux cops show up today wearing their special elite ninja outfits, remember it was me who said so first.