Because this is what you do during a vacation Thursday afternoon, I plopped down on the couch (and where else does one “plop down” these days?) and surfed my way through the seven Jerry Springer telecasts to the “USA Network”. Upon this channel I found “The 40 Year-Old Virgin”.
Hmmm…I think to myself, “USA Network” at 1 in the afternoon. What hilarious censorship standards might I encounter in viewing this movie on this network at this time?
Answer: Much hiliarity. Levels of hilarity at or above the actual film. Okay, it’s “The 40 Year-Old Virgin”, it’s a movie, not a film.
****ATTENTION TO PARENTS AND STRANGE FCC TYPES: “BAD” WORDS FOLLOW****
Good News For “Bad” Words: It’s apparently okay to say “asshole” in a movie at 1 in the afternoon on “USA Network”. It’s also okay to have a character say “smoke my pole” and “did you cum in your pants?” It is strangely okay to say “nigger”, but not “you are fucking with the wrong nigger” because of the word “fucker”. Not that you asked, but it is okay for a character to say “and her dog starts licking my ass”. Lastly, it happened fast, but I believe it is now okay to say “Goddamn” in a movie on “USA Network” at 1 in the afternoon.
Bad News For “Bad” Words: It is still not okay to say any version of the word “fuck” at 1 in the afternoon on “USA Network” on a Thursday Afternoon. “Shit” is still taboo. The word “pussy” is a no-go as well. There are some others, but I found that if the character says the word really fast they basically just left the word in, while if the character says something like “fuck” slower and more demonstrably the word “freak” would be edited in with remarkably poor quality.
Who makes these rules? What meetings result in the decision that “asshole” is okay, but “shit” is not? Can I attend the next such meeting? Can I get paid to attend and determine whether “smoke my pole” is appropriate at 1 in the afternoon on “USA Network”?
P.S.: Just noticed I misspelled “discretion” in the title for about five hours. These eyes of mine are getting past “old guy” to “glaucoma/cataracts” in a hurry. I’m already ctrl+ing two or three times in Firefox and still missing stuff. And have I mentioned that my knees are sore or that hairs are growing in my ears? Okay, hairs are definitely NOT growing in my ears. Forget I said anything about that.