Note: I promise this is the last post on all this. Unless it causes a literal earthquake or heavenly-falling amphibian.
It’s morning in Albuquerque, the morning of March 7th, 2011. Albuquerque Public Schools once again welcome the dawning of a new week, this one the last before its Spring Break.
It’s been a tough stretch for APS, as the District has been buffeted by a calamity of seismic, Biblical and Upanishadian proportions. No, there haven’t been any major earthquakes in town, nor has the place turned into a pillar of salt (yet) or lost a “tenth man”.
Still, there has been a most definite crisis of loss, and this crisis has shaken the District to its core, leaving madness, uncertainty and bedlam in its wake.
I refer, of course, to the Horror of the Missing School Days! Gadzooks! OMG! Thus Spoke Zarathustra! Those must surely be frogs falling from the skies, and the Rio Grande most definitely runs red with the blood of the lamb!
Prepare the underground chambers! Take along the emergency cyanide capsules! Days are missing! Days I tell you! School days!!!!
We humbly beseech the all-powerful Public Education Department for a waiver of one of the Missing Days, but what if the Sage Deciderer o’ Waivers (SDW) fails us? Woe unto us for that day, too, shall still be Missing!
And even if the SDW is kind and grants us this strange and seemingly contrived wish, three days will still be Missing! And three days or four, we are vexed with vexations most vexatious, and vexing! For instance:
- When does the 3rd Quarter end, exactly?
- How are elementary and middle school teachers supposed to rope parents into “student-led conferences” before and after school by April 1st?
- Is that April 1st date a tip-off that this is all a joke?
- It’s a joke, right?
- Are we supposed to keep a straight face about this “waiver” business? I mean it’s a joke, too, right?
- If the joke waiver “fails” (however that process works), and we “have” school on Tuesday, May 31st (the day after Memorial Day), what exactly will meet the criteria for “have school” that day?
- And, most importantly, how is the District going to come up with a way to force teachers into making up the work hours of the Missing Days in a way that seems “educational” and “kid-centered” instead of being simply a cheesy way to get teachers to go into work for two days (the conference days)?
And so morning dawns while these questions remain. Many are turning to the sacred texts in these troubled times, but guidance, and solace, are hard to ascertain from these pronouncements. Will we make it to Spring Break before the Crisis of the Missing Days further rents the land! As in tears and not as in pays monthly? And that’s tears as in rips, not as in discharge from the eyes…man this English language is tough.
Anyway…will the District make another bonehead decision of Quranical dimensions before Spring Break in the case of APS: The Missing Days? If, in fact, “Quaranical” is a word? And if, in fact, the expression “APS bonehead decision” is not an extreme case of verbal redundancy?
What hath Survey God wrought?