Steve Martin as “The School Grade Jerk”

News has it the State is releasing its first A-F grades for every public school in New Mexico in coming days.  This breathtaking news has the following famous movie exchange stuck in my head (updated for topicality):

Navin R. Johnson:  The new school grades are here!  The new school grades are here!

Schooteacher:  Boy, I wish I could get that excited about nothing.

Navin:  Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73 – Our School! We’re somebody now!  Millions of people look at these grades everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity – your name in print – that makes schools. We’re in print! Things are going to start happening to our school now!

Schoolteacher:  Navin.  The grade means nothing.  Everyone knows it means nothing.  The only thing that will happen now is that everyone, knowing they are meaningless, will still complain bitterly about them and claim a conspiracy if their grade is a D or F, or jump and down and pat each other madly on the back inexplicably in celebration if given an A or B, this despite everyone’s complete understanding that the grade is meaningless. On top of that, everyone will try to see how many schools got worse grades and feel somehow superior to them, while those at schools with Fs will be subjected to show trial-esque shame and a ton of horribly boring meetings about the “crisis”.  Think Stalin, but with lots of response “*Parking Lots” and “*Plus Deltas”.

Navin:  What if the grade is a C?

Schoolteacher:  Navin, please stop.  Stop right now.

Okay, I can’t scriptwrite comedy.  Or much of anything else.  Have a good weekend everyone.  Try to sleep as best you can given the breathtaking excitement of anticipating these grades.  It’s like Christmas in Soviet Russia.  But weren’t they officially atheists?

*Sorry…very obscure teacher meeting references.

One thought on “Steve Martin as “The School Grade Jerk”

  1. My Principal gave us strict instructions this morning not to speak to the press if contacted about our school’s grade. No, seriously.

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