Get Along Little PARCC Standardized Testing Dogies

I was going to write about Rio Rancho Public Schools and their move to petition NM PED to slow down on the standardized testing/teaching evaluation process, but that story’s had about as much traction as a 23 hp tractor on a sandy horse arena.  So, instead, let’s take a brief look at another aspect of Standardized Testing 2014:  Tale of the Blinking Lights (Brought to you by MICROSOFT AND ITS NEWLY BOUGHT GAME MINECRAFT!).

Yup, we’re gonna test 100% online in 2014-2015.  This PARCC test is cheaper when you do it online (thanks to savvy tech marketing by folks interestingly affiliated with Bill Gates), so districts are gonna spend far more time and money figuring out how they can get their existing stocks of computers/internet to handle it.  Zero thought will be given on how to better teach using computers, etc., but a hell of a lot will be given on how much time we can close the Library/Computer Labs down to run the cows students through the immunization chute Library/Computer Labs to get it all done within the testing window.

cow

Much thought and argument will be given to ideas such as whether we should not have school bells for three weeks during testing, what type snack is less likely to gum up computer keyboards while being more likely to provide the Adderall effects desired in terms of improving test performance, and whether Computer/Typing class should be taught in the large or small gym (or maybe outside in a tent like a Baptist revival meeting).

Naturally, if as much time/effort/money/resources was given to how we might better teach students using technology, those computer carts/labs wouldn’t be unused nearly as often.  But that’s just teaching, this is STANDARDIZED TESTING 2014 (brought to you by DEPENDS THE ADULT UNDERWEAR GARMENT!) .

It will be so exciting I’m guessing there will be Live Streaming of the testing in its entirety.  We’ll also have two seasons to show for your Live Streaming enjoyment this year, with a pre-season schedule in March and the playoffs in early May or so.  There will also be a daily posting of the “Disabled List” featuring schools where the tech done blowed up and students will be unable to test at the necessary pace to finish their immunizations tests in time.   Will that old Mac Book computer cart that Ms. Raymond let the kids mishandle EVERY SINGLE DAY for three years be able to handle the fancy Blinking Lights of PARCC?

Bring you popcorn, immunization, sports testing fans, it’s gonna be a great show.  And to kick things off, let’s hear a bit of Roy Rogers and Crew:

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